Home » Anger: Detect It; Prevent It; Manage It...Just Don’t Lose It

Anger: Detect It; Prevent It; Manage It...Just Don’t Lose It

Posted: Tuesday, September 04, 2007

by Benedicta Dolson
British Institute of Anger Management

Anger is one of the most misunderstood and overused of human emotions. It is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action. The feelings underlying the anger reaction make us feel vulnerable and weak; anger makes us feel, at least momentarily, strong and in control, but anger can be devastating. One moment of madness can bring about lifetime of suffering and in vain repentance. To be more specific:

Anger sends marriages and other family relationships off-course.
Anger reduces our social skills, compromising other relationships, too.
Anger means losing business that you could have won in a more gracious mood.
Anger leads to increased stress.
We make mistakes when we are angry, because anger makes it harder to process information.

Angry behaviors are learned over the life-span and therefore can be unlearned and replaced with healthier patterns of coping. To repress anger is unhealthy and yet to express it impulsively, as we so often do, may give momentary relief but inevitably will carry negative consequences. Here comes the anger management, following are some of the anger management techniques:

Learn to talk about your feelings - if you're afraid to talk or if you can't find the right words to describe what you're going through, find a trusted friend or adult to help you one-on-one.
Express yourself calmly - express criticism, disappointment, anger or displeasure without losing your temper or fighting. Ask yourself if your response is safe and reasonable.
Listen to others - listen carefully and respond without getting upset when someone gives you negative feedback. Ask yourself if you can really see the other person's point of view.
Negotiate - work out your problems with someone else by looking at alternative solutions and compromises.

Detect and Prevent Anger There are very distinguishable physical manifestations of anger. If you are able to discern it you can pre-manage your anger by detecting and preventing your sliding into angry state of mindset. When you are angry, you would probably feel:

muscle tension
accelerated heartbeat
a "knot" or "butterflies" in your stomach
changes in your breathing
trembling
goose bumps
flushed in the face

You can reduce the rush of adrenaline that's responsible for your heart beating faster, your voice sounding louder, and your fists clenching if you:

Take a few slow, deep breaths and concentrate on your breathing.
Imagine yourself at the beach, by a lake, or anywhere that makes you feel calm and peaceful.
Try other thoughts or actions that have helped you relax in the past.

Keep telling yourself:

"Calm down."
"I don't need to prove myself."
"I'm not going to let him/her get to me."

Stop. Consider the consequences. Think before you act. Try to find positive or neutral explanations for what that person did that provoked you. Take help of the people expert in providing stress management techniques, or join anger management classes, if you think you yourself are not capable of controlling your anger. To know more about anger management read articles on BIAM.org.uk.

Whatever you do to manage your temper, remember one thing; only you have the power to control your own violent behavior, don't let anger control you.

Be strong. Be safe. Be cool.

Author info

Benedicta Dolson is a respected psychiatric counselor. Her anger management techniques has helped many. That apart she also conducts anger management classes.

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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)

» left by Anonymous
3 years 71 days ago.

Thanks for taking time to post this, i'm going to try deep breathing along with leaving the situation when I feel my emotions intesify, and then later return and calmy try to explain my concerns and feelings.

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» left by Anonymous 349 days 17 hours ago.

I have a lonely friend at college called Stephen James, the slightest tease makes him blow his top and get very angry and is spoiling the lesson, please can I have your advise of how to get rid of the angry steve and bring back the normal steve, p.s. he has just got a new girlfriend could this be an underlying reason.

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» left by Anonymous 344 days 10 hours ago.

He seems to have improved after a weekend break, could this be a new Steve or is this just a temporary engagement??

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» left by Anonymous 343 days 17 hours ago.

Back at college today after a night out with Steve, a simple mistake by a burger sales assistant led Steve to almost drag him over the food counter, we were all shaken up by this and couldnt sleep, but he seems to have calmed down now.

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» left by Anonymous 343 days 12 hours ago.

hello,

sorry for the late response i havent checked the website recently. i was once in a similar position to your friend steve, i also had anger issues and it began to take over my life, similar to what its doing to poor steve. I got into a lot of trouble because of my rage and ended up committing an awful, regretful crime and getting sent to jail for 5 years.

I am now a changed man and can contain my anger well. I hope that your friend steve can make a similar change without having to go through what I went through.

I found that mine was due to issues at home and in particular my parents, not giving me freedom and always putting me down. There are many reasons which can cause anger so you just need to be honest and tell people whats causing it.

If you need any tips then just let me know and I will reply as soon as I can.

John.

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